Sorry, this is my first time posting so my writing's not great, might be messy or all over the place. Sorry in advance.

I'm 42, freelance, live in Phuket. Mostly work from home, meet clients sometimes. Life is pretty simple, but two months ago something started bothering me so I need to vent before I explode from expecting too much, lol.

Short version: my boyfriend and I have been together almost three years. He once told me about a female coworker — said she's just a friend, they work together a long time, professional about work. He said we met her about three times early on in our relationship. But lately his behavior's changed and I'm starting to doubt myself.

Recently he's been secretive with his phone in a way he never was before. Around 10:30pm I see him laughing at his screen then quickly hide it, or he tilts the screen away. If the screen is off he sets a passcode I don't know. Before this he let me use his phone freely. I'm not normally super jealous but this is really weird, I'm like... what?

Also he said one night he had an urgent meeting, said he was going to discuss work at a beachfront bar at 11pm — but our work usually doesn't need late-night meetings like that. On some days off he'll disappear the whole day saying he's helping a friend for about 45 minutes, but when I checked with a coworker who knows him, they said they didn't see him at all. Very confusing.

On social media, he posts pictures of "working together" but doesn't tag her, captions like "good team," and there's a story showing the two of them laughing. I wanted to talk to him about this. He says I'm being clingy. I'm trying to stay calm but it makes me feel like I'm spying on his life and at the same time being pushed out of the circle, can't explain it.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just jealous or controlling, but I don't want to believe things too easily. His words and actions don't match. If we don't talk about it, I don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to ruin the relationship by accusing him, but I also don't want to feel worthless.

I've tried to stay calm and secretly collect some evidence, like screenshots of stories or noting times — left the house at 8:10pm and came back at 1am, and I saw his car key on the table and a half-full coffee cup — but I don't want to bring it up like I'm interrogating him.

So what should I do in this situation? Confront him directly like accusing him, or gather proof first then talk? Which is more mature and fair to both of us? Or am I overthinking T_T

Thanks in advance, friends. Any thoughts? P.S. Freelance life can be lonely — when stressed I walk the beach to watch the crabs at 3pm and that helps a bit, but matters of the heart are much heavier. I'm... really confused.