I've been married almost two years now.

I just need to vent, half laughing half annoyed. This morning at 7:15 I woke up to open the shop and saw a red key sitting on the gas stove and I was like... what the heck. I picked it up and it was in this messy plastic bag he’s been keeping from the factory where he did overtime for like a year and still hasn’t thrown away. I asked him to toss it but he said “I’ll keep it to use later” and just left it like that until I started turning pale.

Money is a bigger issue. I’m 29, work front-of-house at a market in Nakhon Ratchasima. I get a steady salary that covers life, I manage to save sometimes, sometimes not—up and down. We still have the wedding loan we’re paying off for almost two years. I’m the one who plans the household money, I try to write down income and expenses clearly, but my husband has this habit of sudden spending. Like his phone breaks and he has to replace it immediately even though the phone could last a few more months, or he gives money to his parents way more often than I think is reasonable. I don’t forbid him, but sometimes the money we put aside for emergencies or house repairs disappears. Because of that I’ve had to borrow from friends to top up gas money a few months. I want to say something, but sometimes it forces me to postpone buying things we actually need. It’s happened like 3-4 times already.

I try to talk seriously. One night around 2 a.m. after work we sat down and I handed him a paper to look at. He replied, “Then handle it yourself” or “I work hard too,” like he’s measuring whether we both work equally hard, which isn’t a competition. It’s ridiculous, right? It makes me feel like he’s throwing responsibility back at me every time. I try not to blow up because I’m afraid of arguing in the shop (my voice is high, I’ve exploded before) but after so many times I can’t take it.

Another thing is the wedding and visiting his relatives — while we were dating we agreed to help each other, but after marriage he goes back to his hometown super often to help relatives or give them money, sometimes without telling me in advance. I end up covering shop expenses and running the house by myself. It makes me scared for the future, worried I’ll end up carrying everything alone. I don’t dislike helping family, but there should be boundaries or a plan, not this on-and-off giving without notice or any arrangement.

Some nights I wonder if I’m overthinking or being too controlling. Hmm, I’m not sure. The feelings are complicated. I love him, but when this keeps happening I wonder if we can keep going if our basics for money management and responsibility are this different.

I’ve tried offering solutions, like opening a joint account for bills, allocating percentages, talking about a budget for helping family. But every time I bring it up he avoids it, and sometimes I feel like I’m the only one setting all the rules—like I’m the housewife thinking for the husband. If I stop pushing, will he ever learn? Will the future be even harder?

He does have cute moments, like making the bed every morning, folding the blanket nice, sometimes bringing me a bowl of shaved ice at 3 p.m. when I’m so tired at the shop, or making coffee when I’m zoned out. Those things make me forget my anger T_T but my heart’s still confused.

What do you all think? Should I insist the budget be a rule now or give him time to adjust? If I wait and he doesn’t change, what conditions should I set—like a fixed percent to the joint account, or require a 7-day notice before giving money to relatives? (I want real-life opinions I can actually try.) haha