Sorry, I'm typing on my phone so it's messy, sorry if I miss stuff. It's my first time posting, I borrowed a friend's login to post. I'm 22, work as a nurse at a public hospital in Samut Prakan. I've been here for nine... no wait, just 9 months. Boohoo, I'm so confused.

I just started nights for the first time after finishing internship about a week ago (my shift starts around 9:30pm) and the whole mood in the ward changed so much. Like really. During internship with the same crew it was okay, but now as a staff there's a night-shift group chat with the senior nurses and they talk pretty harshly, ask questions fast, ask all the time, and tell us to re-do the patient queue even though I just finished organizing it. I tried, honestly, but the senior yells at me in a high voice at night (even right at midnight). Some coworkers give me these snarky looks when I ask for help with equipment, like asking to borrow a pen to write charts or when we move patients — they answer curtly and don't actually help.

I'm not used to it. I can't breathe well, my heart races a lot, I cried alone in the nurses' room at midnight one time, cried for real. I just want to learn and do well but they compare me a lot, say I'm slower than the previous junior nurses. I'm so discouraged, super pressured, some nights I get home and lie holding my head for nearly an hour still thinking about work.

The worst thing that happened was a senior nurse (not my direct boss but has authority on shift) scolded me loudly in front of others, telling me to do this and that in front of colleagues — if it were someone else they'd probably speak softly or teach me. I was shocked. Like... I can't take it. Do I have the right to ask to be taught kindly? Or do I have to accept this is how it is here forever? Does everyone get treated like this or am I being targeted?

Also nobody gives real feedback like specifics. They just say “you didn't do well” but never tell me what to fix or how. They tell me to repeat things until I remember, but night shifts make you so sleep-deprived, my body is wrecked T_T

I want to talk to the boss about the atmosphere but I'm scared they'll see me as weak or a troublemaker. Scared people will think I'm not capable, even though I want to improve and ask and have people teach me kindly. Could they be a little nicer? Should I talk to the boss directly or try to adjust first? I'm scared to change jobs but if I stay my heart will break, I honestly don't know what to do 5555

Or am I just overthinking? Please give advice. I don't want to cry so much during shifts. I'd like coping tips from nurses or folks who've been through this. Thanks in advance, really.