Hey everyone, total newbie here making my first post — sorry in advance if I type weird or ramble.

I'm 28, an accountant in Korat (Nakhon Ratchasima). Me and my girlfriend have been together almost 3 years and we're having the wedding at the end of this year. Lately I've been getting more and more anxious about her spending, to the point I can't sleep. I wake up around 5am, open Notes and start listing expenses, then my brain just goes in circles.

She likes buying lots of little things all the time — like weird hair clips and she'll be like "keep two of them?" or buys a secondhand wristwatch as a spare. Stuff like that happens a lot. Her phone is full of shopping apps, at least five. But when it comes to shared expenses, like deposits for vendors or splitting car repairs, she'll say "I'll transfer later" or "I'll pay next month," and that happens several times. Months go by and money still hasn't been transferred back. Individually it's not a huge amount, but it adds up and messes with the vendor budget and food costs I planned for the wedding.

I'm a planner, I handle budgets, I looove Excel (I know, weird). I like controlling the numbers. But when it comes to someone close, I'm scared that if I push too hard I'll seem too serious or controlling. On the other hand, I'm worried that if we get married this will keep happening. She says she'll change, talks sweetly, but when I ask to see her slip or banking app she gets uncomfortable and goes quiet. I just don't know how to start a conversation that actually works without causing a fight.

I've tried bringing it up gently a few times. One part of me thinks maybe I'm overthinking and she deserves some privacy. Another part says this has to be settled before the wedding — can't just let it slide lolol.

Sometimes I have half-formed sentences in my head like "If you pay this then..." and then I can't finish them.

So the question is — how should I talk to her so it's clear but not accusatory? Should I ask to set up a separate account just for wedding deposits? Anyone who's planned a wedding and handled the bills with their partner, tell me how you made it work. How long did your talk take? (When I actually try to talk it lasts like 10–15 minutes and then we're both silent) T_T