Last night I couldn't sleep. I was sitting with accounting documents open when my phone buzzed and I saw a message from this girl I've only met once at a client meeting. She sent a photo of a guy with a short caption, “Let’s wait together.” I looked at the pic and was like, wait who is that — cozy vibe, two people eating together, wine glasses — and that guy was my boyfriend. I went silent.

It’s not like I’m imagining things or making stuff up, but my boyfriend and that girl have photos together in different corners of that little food joint near the soi in Nonthaburi that we go to a lot. There are old stories he posted too with the same person. Looks like a friend group, but nobody told me anything, so I’m super confused. Me and my boyfriend have been together almost two years. I’m 23, I do accounting for a small food company in Bang Kruai and he’s a freelance programmer working from home. I’m not super possessive, but if the person I like talks to other people a lot without me knowing, it really makes me uncomfortable.

So this morning I asked him straight up, “Who’s that?” He said they met through old work, they talk about projects a lot, nothing special. I half-believed him because I know he likes helping people, but there are a bunch of little things that piled up and made me overthink — like the night before when he said he’d be home at 11pm because of work but he actually got home at 1am, responded to messages late, phone was on standby. I saw his online status and thought he wasn’t home yet. Once he told me he’d take me out for a special dinner and forgot to tell me he’d already booked with someone else, so he went with that group instead. I was low-key annoyed but I don’t want to be one of those super-jealous people, seriously.

The thing that freaked me out the most was seeing comments on his story — playful teasing — and he replied with laughing emojis and a nickname I’d never heard before, not his real name. It made me feel like he has another side I didn’t even know existed or maybe I’m just being narrow-minded. I don’t know.

I spent almost the whole day digging through Facebook and old stories until I found pictures that confirmed he’d eaten with this group several times, and there were way more photos of him with that girl than I expected. When I saw them my heart started racing and I felt like I couldn’t breathe, half-angry, half-numb. I didn’t blow up because I didn’t know what to blow up about. I still thought maybe they’re just friends, but why didn’t he say “invite her to come along” or “let me tell you next time”? I felt kind of abandoned.

When he saw me staring at my phone he asked what’s wrong, so I said plainly, “Why didn’t you tell me you had this friend — are we on the same page?” He looked confused and said again they’re old coworkers, nothing else. I tried to believe him but it’s still stuck in my head. I’m scared that if I look like I’m overreacting I’ll just let it slide, and if I let it slide and it gets worse, what then? I’m so confused.

On the other hand, I know I work hard, my salary isn’t big, I’m tired from accounting all day and then I have to deal with these feelings at night. It makes me question if I’m being silly, or if I just want more attention than I’m getting, or if being around him all the time makes me notice tiny things other people wouldn’t and that makes me weak.

Ugh, I also wonder why I didn’t just check his phone properly. It’s because I’m scared that if I do and find something I won’t be able to handle it, and also scared that if I check and find nothing it’ll make me seem paranoid. So I decided to talk like an adult, but the conversation felt like there was a thin wall between us. He said he wants to clear things up but doesn’t want it to blow up, while I wanted clarity but didn’t want to hear excuses. I told him how I felt, and it ended with the classic line, “I didn’t do anything wrong.” Hmm.

Long story short, I still don’t know the answer. Friends, did I mess up by asking or should I let it go as a normal thing? Is there a way to talk without destroying things but make him take it seriously? Or am I overthinking? I’m scared of becoming someone who controls his privacy, but also afraid that staying quiet will make me more hurt later. Please give me some advice. I don’t want to decide too quickly because I still love him, but I don’t want to get emotionally hurt either.

First time making a thread here, sorry if I did anything wrong T_T

What should I do?