Sorry in advance, typing on my phone and I’m new at posting here.

I’m 42, I work at a factory near Udon Thani, morning-evening shifts sometimes. I finish late, get home around 7:30–8pm. I like things tidy and I save money and gold for emergencies. I dated my husband for 5 years before marriage, we’ve been married 8 years, have two little kids, 10 and 6. School’s near home and the kids are okay, but some stuff that’s been building up is nearly driving me insane.

Short version: it’s his spending and how messy he is. It’s not like he doesn’t work — he does odd driving jobs sometimes, goes out of town, gets to take trips — but some of his habits... so frustrating.

He likes buying things without telling me. I keep finding secondhand collections, little cans, small boxes filling the bedroom. He’s so proud of them and the house has basically become his collection room. I feel like those things aren’t useful to the family right now, but if he wants them he buys them quietly and tells me later.

Bills, passbooks, financial papers — he leaves them around the house. I put them in a drawer, he comes and takes them out again. It’s chaotic. When I try to talk about saving emergency money or splitting expenses, he says I’m being too fussy, like I’m always trying to control everything.

We agreed to save for the roof repairs or an emergency fund; he said he’d save on his own. But when I ask where he keeps it and how much, he gets confused. When money disappears he can’t remember what he bought. Once he used the money we were saving for the roof to invest with friends without telling me (this was before I started factory work). He said he’d pay it back but paid in slow installments. We were almost embarrassed in front of the kids because we had to postpone roof repairs for months during the rainy season while the leak kept coming. How am I supposed to tolerate that?

Then the whole house tidiness thing. I want things to have a place and items I use often to be kept where they belong. He leaves stuff everywhere — shoes all over the entrance, souvenirs on the dining table and the kids step on them and break them. I’ve told him many times, but when he’s tired he says “don’t make it a big deal” or “I’m tired, want to rest.” It feels like the responsibilities aren’t equal.

I’m exhausted. After a night shift I want to talk about money and plan for the future, but every time we try it turns into an argument. I’m starting to wonder if I’m too controlling, or if I’m just overly afraid about the future, or worrying too much. I’m so confused T_T

Someone suggested separate accounts. I tried bringing that up and he acted hurt, like I don’t trust him. Another person said write down clear rules, but when we did he forgets or acts like he didn’t read them. It’s happened many times, so I’m left feeling unsure. He spends money on things that don’t help and then says it’s okay, even though I’m saving for emergencies.

I’m not blameless — sometimes I nag too harshly and make the atmosphere tense. But when I complain he doesn’t seriously change. So should I keep putting up with this, or set firm rules like splitting accounts, setting payment dates once a month even if it’s strict, or give him some freedom because he works hard? Sometimes that freedom harms the family’s future more than I expected.

Anyone been through this? How do I start the conversation so it’s not like I’m judging him but makes the family more secure? Or should I accept some of his habits and find another way to feel at ease? Please give advice from real experience 5555

P.S. Sorry if this is messy, my hands are shaking typing and I might’ve hit the wrong keys or sounded confused.