Should I walk away? It’s a long story and I’m honestly at my limit.

I’m 28, I work as a barista around Nonthaburi. We’ve been together almost three years and have been talking about registering our marriage for a while, but since we started planning the wedding there’s been something to worry about nearly every day. I wake up at 5:30 sometimes just thinking about the wedding budget; I’ve been stressed like this for almost a month straight.

Short version: the main problem is my partner’s spending and shopping habit. We set a strict wedding budget, but she keeps buying random stuff online without telling me — like ordering almost ten lamps when some of them are totally unnecessary. She says, “It’s cheap, there’s a promo.” In total she’s spent nearly half of the money we set aside. Like, are you kidding me? It’s not cheap at all lol.

She also borrows money from coworkers and doesn’t pay it back on time. She says she’ll pay it back now, or tomorrow, but two weeks go by and nothing. When I message her I get vague answers — sorry, I’ll pay, but then radio silence. It’s baffling.

I’m not possessive about money, but I see money as family management — something we share and plan together. I’m not rich; being a barista doesn’t leave much spare cash, but I’ve been saving specifically for the wedding because I wanted it to be chill and not over the top. She knows that, but when it comes down to being serious she acts like she’s not committed. When we talk about our future she’s all sweet, talking about a house, kids, saving so well, but when it’s time to actually do it she shows no responsibility. I’m starting to wonder if things will change after we’re married or if I’ll have to teach her over and over.

We’ve talked many times, but conversations usually turn into arguments. I try to stay calm but when I lose it she acts like there’s no problem and then turns sweet again. Is she just fooling herself? I’m starting to feel financially unsafe with the person I’m about to spend my life with. Or maybe I’m overthinking.

A friend suggested pausing some wedding payments until she pays back or shows an actual plan, but I’m scared that’ll blow up into something bigger and start a huge fight. Another option is postponing the wedding, but I’m tired of explaining to relatives and the vendors we’ve already booked. Honestly it’s a massive headache. There’s a tiny blue toothbrush on the table I see every morning and it just reminds me that nothing is clear.

Anyone here ever dealt with this? Or got tips on talking about money with someone close without everything falling apart? Should I go ahead, set firm rules, or stop things now? Am I making too big a deal out of this, or is my partner really over the line?

P.S. I don’t want to be accused of being petty, but I’m exhausted. T_T