I just need to vent for a bit.

I’m 32, run a small online shop in Chiang Mai selling cosmetics and little household things. I sometimes pack and ship orders myself — three in the afternoon I’m the only one packing. When someone orders I’m happy, but this isn’t just business anymore, it’s our life together.

We’ve been married almost three years, but I feel like my husband’s financial expectations are totally different from mine. He can’t save, spends on impulse, buys things when he wants — new phone, car insurance he just renewed, funerals, ordinations, friends’ parties that he thinks are important. I try to keep an emergency fund or stock up so I can grow the shop. My worst fear is something breaking and not having money to fix it. Super awkward. I just go quiet.

Before we married we talked about splitting money, but in reality he thinks that’s a hassle and it made everything sloppy and casual. I try not to pressure him, but when I see the bank balance I get itchy, like I want to stab the account with a red pen. What can I do? I’m not stingy, but it feels like we’re not on the same page and it scares me. The last two months I’ve been so stressed, really.

Another thing is my sister-in-law’s wedding (his sister) and we’re supposed to help pay. I’m willing, but I don’t want it to be an unreasonable burden because I just invested in stock twice already. If we pay now and have no inventory to sell, we’ll be in trouble. But he says “family events are important” and then leaves me to sort out the budget. That annoys me so much — I’m not everyone’s bank account. We’re married, right? Why do I have to control everything?

Sometimes I wonder if I picked the wrong person, if we’re really compatible. But we do have good memories — he’s gentle, helps ship orders sometimes, cooks sometimes. I don’t want to leave easily, but these habits add up and make me anxious. I can’t sleep, wake up at 2:30am to check the accounts, and customer calls get delayed because I’m using the time to sort finances. I’m tired and my head hurts.

I’ve tried talking several times but it turns into little fights and then silence, and everything goes back to how it was. I’m afraid of saying something too strong and breaking things, or of overthinking, or of being too controlling (or maybe he’s not mature?). I’m so confused lol.

Anyone else been through this? My partner’s money system is chaotic and he hates being pressured to pay. Should I change my own approach so it won’t affect the shop? I don’t want to lose money. How do I talk so he really understands and doesn’t just go quiet and do what he wants?

Should we have a written agreement, or use a shared budgeting app? Any way to do this without making him feel like his role as head of the family is being taken away? I don’t want to divorce, but if things don’t change I don’t know if I can stay peacefully.

Please give me some direction. If you have blog posts or articles that helped you, please share. T_T