I'm 34. I work at a small grocery shop in Udon Thani, open from around 7:30am until about 9pm some days. I'm exhausted most of the time but I still try to find time to see my boyfriend on my days off.

I'll be blunt — I'm confused at myself, too. It started with tiny little things that I brushed off as normal, but when you add them all up it really messes with me. I want other people's perspectives — or tell me I'm overreacting, whatever.

My boyfriend is generally cheerful, we hardly fight, and we've been together four years. Some nights he stays at his family's place so he doesn't stay over at my dorm much. Before, he'd leave his phone on the table when we ate together, totally normal. But about two months ago (maybe eight weeks) things slowly started changing.

He stopped leaving his phone out. It felt like he wanted to keep it with him all the time. When I saw notifications they were short flashes like "wait a bit" or "talk later." I even saw one at past 1am. He shared an Instagram story around midnight — a photo of a living room with food on the table and a caption like "eat quick before heading home." Weird because he never posts stuff like that when he's with me. Small things, but odd.

Once, two weeks ago, he came back from a company party around 9:45pm and said he was stuck in traffic. I waited at home like usual, never pushy. When he pulled up I saw him getting off a motorcycle where the driver clearly handed something to him. I accidentally glimpsed his phone and saw a selfie of him with a woman in a chat group, close-up, all lovey-dovey — it made my chest burn. I grabbed his phone without thinking; he saw I saw it and looked awkward, then said "don't overthink." I asked "what's this photo?" and he deleted it instantly, saying she was just an acquaintance on Facebook. He deleted it so fast — why that fast?

I started noticing little behaviors: he brings his phone to the bathroom now even though he used to leave it on the table; sometimes when he gets home he immediately showers and changes clothes; some nights he smells of a new sweet, feminine perfume that lingered on his shirt for nearly half an hour. I keep a small keychain doll in my bag and it smelled faintly of perfume at one point, so my mind ran wild.

A coworker of his has been coming to the shop more often, sometimes delivering stuff then sitting and chatting for a long time. I wanted to walk over and talk but it felt awkward. He doesn't forbid it, but his way of speaking shifted — he used to call me "honey" and now it's more like how you'd address a coworker. I'm so confused. I can't take it.

I confronted him twice. Both times he said I'm being paranoid, acting like I don't trust him, and that I'm picky. That made me feel guilty and angry at myself at the same time. I want him to be straight with me, not deleting and hiding things, and not make me have to be ridiculously nosy.

Once I saw a chat with the same girl's name but couldn't make out the content; he hurriedly closed the screen so I couldn't read. I told him, "If it's work, say so. If not, stop talking to her." He said, "I'll sort it out," and then went silent for a week. I hate that silence.

I don't want this to ruin our 4-year relationship, but the uncertainty is eating me. I can't sleep some nights, replaying it over and over, waking up at 3am thinking about the same things. I'm scared that if I push directly I might lose him, or if I let it go I'll regret it later. It's so hard.

Anyone here gone through this? Should I make him prove himself, or step back and figure out my own feelings first, or ask him openly in front of everyone? I'm terrified of an answer that breaks me but I also can't live like this. Am I overthinking or should I trust my gut?

P.S. I'm trying to be considerate of his feelings but sometimes I just can't hold it in. T_T