Hey everyone, what do you think — should I just do everything because I’m afraid of losing face, or should I set clear boundaries?

I’m 28, a master’s student at a uni in Hua Hin, and I’ve been a student assistant in my department for almost a year — I like the job, it’s good experience, but the problem is my boss/the professor I work with always wants me to stay and work after class until super late. Like, really often, and I’m starting to not be able to cope.

Yesterday we had a research group meeting at 4pm that ended without a clear summary, so the professor asked me to follow up on some extra documents after the meeting. I said okay, but then they said to finish it tonight because they’ll present it to faculty tomorrow. I said, “I have an exam tomorrow morning,” I can’t prepare if I have to fix documents all night. The professor stared, then said, “Department work is important, you know.” Quiet voice but very pointed — basically wanting it done.

I get that sometimes things are urgent, but this isn’t the first time. It feels like there’s an unspoken rule that student assistants must always be ready to work overtime. The previous assistants all said the same — they got this too. I’m scared if I refuse I’ll lose research opportunities or recommendations for funding. If I say no maybe they’ll think I’m useless, or worse cut my hours, and I don’t have much income anyway.

Sometimes they call at 8pm asking me to fix slides or type a report urgently. When I ask, “Can I do it tomorrow? I have morning class and an exam to prepare for,” they say, “It’ll only take a minute” or “It won’t be long,” but it ends up taking me until nearly midnight. I don’t eat dinner — just pull a snack from my bag and eat it. It was about 11:30pm that night. I’m so exhausted and my neck’s been hurting for a week.

Sometimes I sit working in the department after class and the boss tells me to stay in case someone asks questions or needs signatures, says “just a little while,” but that little while ends up being over an hour. I want to go walk on the beach sometimes — we’re in Hua Hin, not the city. Is this a perk? Not really. I just want some personal time.

The part that confuses me: when I politely set boundaries, like saying I’ll reply to work messages in the morning because I need evenings to prep my teaching, people look at me like I’m weird. Sometimes the professor gets serious, like they don’t trust me or are overthinking. I think I’m polite and willing to help, I just don’t want to be taken advantage of.

Two other coworkers are younger students and they choose to stay late hoping for continued work or help with publications. I’m at a point where if I lose too much personal time my grades and health will suffer. I’m not sleeping enough — like 4–5 hours, some days 3 hours. T_T My neck hurts a lot. I feel guilty for thinking like this, like I’m not devoted enough or I’m selfish.

I once had a serious talk with the professor and politely asked for at least one day’s notice for out-of-hours work, and that I’d handle real emergencies. The professor said, “I’ll try,” but then went back to asking for work the same way. I’m not sure what “I’ll try” even means, haha.

I really want advice — should I lose sleep to keep the relationship with the professor and protect my research future, or should I set clear boundaries even if people think badly of me, or is there a middle ground? Anything that helps?

Typing on my phone, sorry if I missed something. I’m so stressed but also afraid of ruining my work relationships. What should I do?