Sorry, this is my first post. I’m typing at 4:30am ’cause I can’t sleep and my head won’t stop going in circles, so I thought I’d dump it here — maybe someone can help me sleuth a bit. My brain’s making stories by itself 5555

I’m 38, a primary school teacher in Udon Thani. I’m pretty quiet, keep to myself, don’t bother people, but I’m not dumb — I notice behavior. Lately it’s got me staring at the ceiling like… angry but laughing, confused and scared at the same time. Okay.

We’ve been together almost three years. He’s a local government officer, lives in the same neighborhood. Our daily life is simple — he likes weekend cycling with a group of guy coworkers, sometimes they hit the gym together. I was fine with that, but in the last two months small things have been piling up and I can’t keep them in.

Like his phone behavior — changed noticeably. Before, if he picked up his phone he’d put it on the table or tell me he had to reply to work. Now when I drop him off in the evening or when he comes back from teaching, he’ll fish his phone out and quickly turn the screen off and shove it in his pocket so I can’t see notifications. Sometimes a notification pings and he suddenly bolts — off to the bathroom. Could be normal, but it’s a shift from the transparently open guy he used to be, so I’m getting paranoid.

Also he’s started planning to meet friends more often without telling me. Like last Sunday he said he was going to his mom’s, but didn’t go — later came back and said he’d been drinking with friends, came home at 1am and just played on his phone on the couch. I don’t care about drinking, but I don’t like that he didn’t just say it straight. Felt awkward, confused.

One time really floored me: he said a female friend from the cycling group had been changing routes more and they were chatting more. I asked what was up, he said she’s funny, nice, nothing to worry about. Then the next day he suddenly opened old photos on an app for me to see, saying she likes taking lots of pictures with friends. I saw the photos, and there was one girl he’d been liking a lot on social media — he’d never done that before. I was like… huh.

When I bring it up he laughs and says “calm down, we’ve got each other” but his words and actions don’t match. It’s kind of funny but also not funny at all, really confusing.

Last night my heart went wild. I texted “how was last night?” He read it and replied late with a short “normal” and a sticker, which felt like he didn’t want to talk. I stopped. At 2am I saw him online and asked if he was awake. He just replied “already sleeping.” But there’d been a chat notification on his screen with an unfamiliar initial, and he’d left his phone on the table then immediately locked it. I grabbed it fast, heart pounding — it felt super weird — but I didn’t open it. Felt guilty for wanting to look, like I might see something but I have no right.

Two days later I started quietly checking Facebook and stories. I’m not trying to be an investigator, I just want my mind to stop racing. I feel guilty but I’m also afraid that if I bring it up I’ll look jealous or controlling. I don’t want him to feel trapped, but I also don’t want to be lied to.

Friends reading this will probably think “obvious, he’s seeing someone” or “don’t overthink it.” I’ve heard both. Some friends say talk to him directly — I want to, but I’m scared of the answer, scared he’ll get even more closed off, and scared if it blows up it’ll affect my teaching and mental health. I haven’t been sleeping well these past two months, stressed on and off for like 10–14 days total, and often wake up with shaky hands.

I try to invite him to exercise and cycle together like before, but he says he’s busy or just disappears with friends. I try to act chill and friendly but inside I chew through gum all night. Sigh.

Am I overthinking? Should I stop watching and just talk to him straight? Or talk first and then keep observing? Will he close up more? Or should I set my own standards first? I… OP is so confused but wants the truth.

P.S. Sorry if this is messy or all over the place, my typing’s not great and some sentences are chopped. If anyone has been through something similar please share — I really want to hear different perspectives T_T