Last night I got home from a school event almost nine o'clock. I was exhausted but still had two more stacks of grading to do. Hands shaking a bit, I opened the bag I left by the door and saw my boyfriend's phone on the table in the corner of the room. My stomach just dropped.

Not good. I felt weird right away but tried not to overthink it. This morning when I gave him his coffee I accidentally opened his chat because I was about to plug the phone in to charge, and when I looked... everything went quiet in my head.

There was a chat with someone whose nickname sounded like one of his coworkers. The messages weren't long but... there were hearts and sweet little lines like “that night was so nice” or stuff like that. Reading it made my heart sink. I don't get how it could be like that.

I'm 42, a homeroom teacher at a school in Phuket. We've been together almost ten years but not married (not yet). Lately I've felt like he's been glued to his phone more than usual, coming home late sometimes saying he had meetings for local projects with coworkers, but he never really says who they are.

Finding those messages made me angry, disappointed, and so confused. Maybe I'm being petty? His work is about community content so maybe those chats were work-related, but some of the words felt way too personal.

I tried not to go snooping, but I peeked at that person's LINE and Instagram and found she's a woman in the same field he said he worked with. Some photos were from the same night he said he had that meeting. I felt betrayed even though I'm usually the type to keep my feelings in. This time it hurt so much I had to ask myself what's going on.

Should I confront him? Wait for him to bring it up? If I ask straight out I'm afraid I'll seem paranoid and ruin trust that might still be salvageable. I felt so uneasy I couldn't sleep last night. Typing this on my phone so sorry if I miss stuff.

Also I'm a teacher so I have an image to keep up. I don't want family or coworkers to see me weak, but then if I let it go and it's real, I'll be so heartbroken. Like seriously I don't know what to do first.

Some people advised me to screenshot and keep evidence before talking, but I feel weird about invading his privacy. Stalking the chat more feels obsessive and not me. But my heart is literally in chaos.

Friends who went through this, how did you talk about it? What should I prepare or what questions should I ask so it doesn't turn into a huge accusing fight and just end badly? I want real answers, not yelling. I want to know what deserves another chance and what doesn't.

What should I do? OP is totally confused T_T

P.S. If I do talk to him, when's the best time for someone like me who can't control emotions well?