Sorry for the long post, sneaking away from my boss to make this thread before the 2pm meeting. I'm really, really confused today.

I'm 43 and have been working in an office in Chiang Mai for almost 12 years. Our department is tiny, about 8 people. We have to contact almost every department, manage important documents from contracts to reports for external agencies. I've been in this position for 8 years — not the boss, but very experienced. I'm the person the boss calls whenever there's an emergency.

In the past two years the company hired someone new, 28, always smiling, bright, likes chatting casually with the boss. He times his words perfectly, figured out the boss's style really fast. He actually has little experience, only graduated two years ago, but he seems to click with the boss more than someone blunt like me.

When this new person joined, the boss started having him handle important communications — instead of talking to people themself — or asked him to attend meetings in our place, even though I've been managing those tasks for a long time. The boss sends short emails around 08:15 like “please talk to legal about this” without details. Then the new guy ends up negotiating alone. When the outcome is good, there's praise in the team chat: “thanks to whoever handled the client” and they tag only the new guy. I'm not petty about compliments, but it bugs me. It's not fair.

Heavy stuff like the monthly report that requires working until 2am for two to three days straight — I carry most of that. But when it comes to raises or training opportunities, the boss tends to pick whoever likes to go have coffee and chat with them first, then says “next time you should go to training” and forgets about me. I feel overlooked even though I run the core work.

Last Friday there was an urgent project; the client wanted a summary by the end of the day. The boss emailed asking who would take responsibility. People took turns, but early that morning the boss called and said “talk to the new person and finalize it.” I did as told but inside I was quiet because I’d already proposed a solution and the boss decided the new guy would be the communicator. During the summary the new guy mumbled and left out info, so I had to stay up fixing it until late. When I came back Saturday morning, the boss posted praise in the company group and tagged only the new guy.

Am I angry? Yes. But I also feel weirdly guilty — like I shouldn’t be jealous or mad. From the boss's perspective maybe they want to give the new guy space to try things, which I can understand. Am I being narrow-minded? Am I just getting old and overthinking? Or do I need to change how I communicate with the boss, like adjust my approach? I’m confused.

Some coworkers whisper things like “she works a lot but doesn’t cozy up to the boss, huh.” The boss sometimes cuts me off in small meetings, saying “let the new person handle it first,” like I’m being gently pushed out. I try to watch my tone, don’t want to snap, but dealing with this is so uncomfortable T_T

I tried talking to the boss once or twice to say which parts I want to be responsible for, but the boss replies curtly and doesn’t give clear guidance. Sometimes the conversations turn into long personal talk and then end with them assigning the task to someone else. I’m really confused.

Now I’m thinking about quitting, but I’m scared — my age, living costs in Chiang Mai, car and mortgage payments. I sit alone at the roadside lunch shop at 12:30 and think for 30–40 minutes, then keep thinking forever 5555. Or should I stay and try to change my role, or move to another team in the company — not sure if that’s possible. Someone suggested I gather evidence of the tasks I’ve handled in case I need to raise this formally later, or to have a serious talk. But how do I talk to the boss professionally, without sounding like I’m crying and ranting?

I just want to hear from friends who’ve been through this — should I stay and try to make a clear pivot, or look for a new opportunity? If I talk to the boss, what should I prepare so it’s a real work discussion, not emotional? Or should I act like nothing’s wrong and wait to see the new guy’s performance? Or do I have to accept that office politics are part of work now?

I'm so confused. What do you all think — any perspectives or practical ways to talk to the boss that actually work? P.S. The pen in my bag is the only blue pen I used to take notes at 2am, I brought it along in case anyone wants details on how I fixed the report 5555