Last night it rained really hard in Pattaya, like from 10pm until after 1am. The rain was coming down in visible streaks. I kept my phone on with the light on the whole night because messages kept popping up and the room was dim so I couldn’t read them properly. When I checked his contacts I found a name I’d never seen before in his chat list.

It wasn’t just one name, and there were short messages that made my scalp itch so much. I read them and just… went quiet. He’d sent a sticker of a kitten and wrote “miss you, honey.” Reading it felt like being stabbed, but I’m not even sure if it means anything. Should I confront him? I don’t know.

We’ve been together for almost a year, about 11 months. I freelance as a designer and work from home in Chonburi, he has a full-time job around Pattaya. I see him a lot after work, but lately he’s been coming home later and says work’s busy. Still, he posts photos of dinner with friends at around 8:15pm — some pics look like someone else was standing back taking the shot. One photo had a face that looked familiar but just like a shadow, so I can’t be sure if I’m imagining it.

Yesterday I was out delivering something at the city market and got back around 10:40pm. It was super quiet. I called and he didn’t pick up — it went to voicemail. I know I shouldn’t have, but I opened his phone for like 2 minutes (my heart was racing). I saw that chat and my heart dropped. There was a message asking “wanna meet tomorrow?” and a location tagged — a café by the beach. But he told me he has meetings all morning tomorrow. Should I believe that?

I’m so confused. Maybe I’m overthinking? I’m not insanely jealous, but the signs are piling up. Like the other night his phone rang and he rushed to turn it off in the bathroom. I laughed out loud then felt quietly angry at myself for acting suspicious, but he’s done stuff like that more than once.

I love him, but every time I try to ask directly he dodges or says “don’t think too much,” which just makes me think more. I don’t want to be aggressive, I want to trust, but this uncertainty makes me so uneasy — like there’s a rock in my stomach, it’s really heavy and confusing. And then there are phone notifications under the pillow, like he doesn’t want me to see something — but maybe it’s just coincidence.

Sometimes I feel guilty for snooping, but if I don’t snoop I’ll never know. It’s suffocating. Haha I’ve been messing up my sleep for two weeks. Some friends say I’m narrow-minded, others say I need to clear things up. What should I do?

Should I confront him openly and tell him everything I found, or should I ease into it and ask like I’m worried rather than accusing, so I don’t break trust? I’m scared of making him uncomfortable but even more scared of getting hurt. T_T

OP here, first time posting so sorry if I’m rambling. Any tips on how to talk about this or any perspectives would help. What should I do — get clarity or choose to trust?