Last night I got home around 11:15. Sat eating a takeaway boxed meal from the shop at the soi entrance by myself. Had a small keychain hanging on my phone, opened it up and just checked her chats.

It's a long story but here's the short: I'm 26, work as a rider in Hua Hin. Delivery pay is enough, not rich but okay. Been with my girlfriend almost two years. I'm a bit jealous but I try to give her space (at least I think I do). She works in an office in town, we don't live together but she comes over a lot — weekends she'll come, sometimes she works on our off days depending on her schedule.

The problem started changing slowly over the past month. I noticed a bunch of small things: she comes home later, doesn't pick up video calls as much (says she's busy), and one day she said she'd work at a coffee shop but ended up coming home without telling anyone. I thought maybe it was real work, maybe a project, so I believed her. But last week I was delivering near the market around 3:30 pm and saw her talking to a guy in front of a bakery. At first I didn't think much, but then I saw her holding her phone and hiding the screen. When I passed by, that guy put his arm around her waist, like... really close. I saw it from a customer's pickup truck window. My heart raced but I drove off because I was scared I'd do something stupid.

Went home and felt hollow all night, couldn't sleep, felt like there's a huge gap in my chest. So I did the modern thing... I opened her chats. Not proud of it, but curiosity got me. I found messages between her and that guy. Some lines were sweeter than how she talks to me, like "miss you so much" with emojis, and a selfie of them smiling together looking close — one kind of back rub, angle showing both faces, too close for just friends. I froze reading it.

I wanted to ask straight up but I was scared to lose face, scared it would blow up.

Next morning I saw her at the market. She said hi like normal but her hands weren't steady, like she was afraid I'd see her phone. That evening I asked super politely, "Did you meet someone yesterday?" She looked confused and said, "It's nothing, the person was probably an old friend," but her voice trembled a bit. Maybe I was overreacting, maybe not.

I pushed a little with a soft question: "Then why do the messages look so sweet?" She stopped and said, "He's just comforting me, he just broke up with his ex." I wanted to believe her but a part of me didn't feel settled, like there's a deep scratch.

Another thing — before this she told me she didn't like me searching or looking through her phone, but she never strictly forbade it. That made me feel weird like there's a side of her I don't know. I hate that I snooped, but I thought if I left it it might get worse. I do love her, but insecurity sneaks in because I don't have as much education as her, don't have her social circle. I just have rider buddies who park their bikes with me and go to the weekend market. That's it.

This whole thing got me arguing with myself a lot. I want to be trusting but my head predicts bad things first. Sometimes I picture those two of them eating shaved ice together and smiling and it hurts. I keep it inside, stay quiet like the loser, but I don't want her to know I'm afraid of losing her, afraid of losing myself, afraid I'll get so possessive I'll push her away.

Friends suggested two ways: ask directly or act cold. I don't like either because life's not a movie, but I feel leaving it alone might hurt me more. Lately I'm doing deliveries later, and when I see couples on dates I get dizzy and crazy, way worse than I expected lolol.

I've tried talking a few times, gently asking about her feelings, not rushing, but I still peek sometimes (feeling guilty). She just said, "There's nothing more than comforting words." I want to believe that, but there's still a little wound that needs time. Or maybe I'm overthinking.

What do you guys think I should do next? Should I ask straight up and make her choose me or him (too dramatic?), or keep asking slowly and watch her behavior? I don't want to spy or stoop low, but I also don't want my heart to break.

I'll update later.

P.S. Sorry it's long, needed to vent a bit. I'm not good at talking about this stuff T_T