This happened in the middle of the night after my night shift. I can honestly say my hands were shaking. I was lying on the bed in the nurses’ dorm at a small state hospital near Udon Thani, just checking my phone a bit before sleep, and a LINE notification from my boyfriend popped up. I scrolled a bit out of habit and accidentally swiped into a group I’d never seen before — chat screenshots mixed with photos they’d been sending each other, all joking around. But some words hit me so hard it felt like someone slapped me in the face.

I’m not one of those super-jealous people, okay? I’m 28, a night-shift nurse, usually caring for heart patients who come in on cold nights. I’m tired but not stupid about relationships. I trust him — we’ve known each other 4 years and been together almost three. But what happened last night left me dizzy and I don’t even know what to call the feeling.

The screenshot was playful, but it used a pet name for my boyfriend that he’s never used for me. There wasn’t a couple photo, but there was a picture of him sitting at a street-side food stall in our soi with someone I’ve never seen before. One of the screenshots from that friend said “Miss you so much” and another message made my heart skip in a way I can’t explain — it wasn’t clearly more than friends, but it wasn’t the kind of thing friends casually send in a normal group either. I screenshot it and saved it because it was distracting me and I had to be up for another shift in the morning.

I don’t snoop for the fun of it, but I wanted to know. The next day I asked him straight up, “What group is that?” He answered right away that it was an old middle/high school friends’ group, just catching up, nothing to read into. But when I mentioned the photo and the “miss you” line, he changed the subject and started talking about work. “Don’t worry about it, they’re just joking,” he said. Then silence.

Silence.

I’m not the kind of person who digs and digs, but when answers don’t line up I get suspicious. Being a nurse on night shifts, people see me as strong, but when it comes to relationships I’m actually very soft and unexpected about it. I quietly checked his Facebook, but found nothing obvious. When I asked him again he said I was “overthinking” or too narrow-minded. I don’t know.

I feel weird because he’s not very open about his friends. He once told me some of them are an old crew that jokes around a lot, and I could accept that. But then why the secret group chat? Why change the subject? I’m so confused, but I tried to stay calm and give him a chance to explain. His explanations were so thin and surface-level that I started doubting whether I was just being insecure or if he really was hiding something.

Now some nights I can’t sleep because that picture of him at the food stall is stuck in my head. If they were just joking, why the sweet messages? I’m paranoid that if I press him he’ll get angry or shut down. I don’t want to cause trouble, but I also don’t want my feelings to be quietly hurt without even knowing. Even if she’s “just a friend.”

I have two opposite urges: to trust him, and to not let this go silent. I talked to my close coworker and they told me if the relationship has cracks, face it and ask directly — don’t bottle it up. But I’m scared of the answer. I’m scared if I ask and he says “it’s nothing,” I’ll be branded as someone who always overthinks. Or if I ask and there is something, I’ll be shattered again.

So I’m acting normal now — answering messages, laughing at shift jokes, calling him “darling” like before — but inside it’s hollow. I try to hold on but some nights I quietly cry in the hospital bathroom because the exhaustion plus the uncertainty about us is heavier than doing CPR, honestly haha. Or am I just overly sensitive? Am I dramatic? Or are there really friend groups that joke like that? I don’t know.

Typing this on my phone so sorry if I miss something. I’d like other people’s perspectives. If you were my friends, what would you do? Should I ask him directly and show him the screenshot I saw, or give it time and watch his behavior first? Will asking make it blow up? I’m scared of both answers. What do you think I should do? P.S. If this is a rude thing to post, please tell me.