Found a bunch of transfer records in our joint account around 5:30am before I left for work and I almost laughed through my tears. Seriously. It was dead silent.

Honestly I'm the one who does the bookkeeping for our small company here in Khon Kaen, I'm 28, work regular hours, always have. Getting married opened up a whole other world. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes I want to cry but I gotta rush to shower at 06:20 to get to the office. Just that is exhausting already.

Short version: paying bills like water and electricity is fine, no problem. But there are lots of little purchase entries popping up all the time, like reeeally often — secondhand camera gear bought through apps, a rubber handlebar grip for a bike, some old collectible in rough shape but on sale. I see transfers from the account we linked without him telling me. Sometimes it's tiny junk like a little bobble or a single sticker. Transfers of 300–400 baht multiple times, over and over for almost two months. That's not a trivial amount for the down payment plan for the little house I'm trying to save for within the next six months. Why do this?

He just acts normal, says he wanted it so he bought it. I asked, “hey why not talk to me first?” He looked confused like nothing happened and comes up with excuses like “I bought it for my ex” (huh?) or “it was on sale.” I'm like... shouldn't he tell me? It feels like one person is collecting stuff and the other is saving money for the future we talked about. It really bugs me.

I also have part of the problem — I don't say things directly sometimes. I get mad but not full-on, I let it slide but then I stew every night. Can't sleep T_T Some nights I count the money in the account book and then I'm wide awake for like an hour or two, hard to fall back asleep.

I want to talk without it turning into World War III. Anyone else had a boyfriend/husband who buys this kind of stuff all the time without telling you? How do I start the conversation? Should we split accounts entirely, or how do I talk so it doesn't become a huge fight? Is there a middle way? How do I explain saving for the down payment really matters to me without sounding like I'm banning his collections and making him feel crushed. What do you think, friends? P.S. He still likes to put socks in the microwave too — I mean... laugh or cry? lol