Hey everyone, typing on my phone so sorry if I miss something. This is my first post, just need to vent a bit.
I'm 38, I work in accounting in Bangkok. Been with my girlfriend two years and we agreed to get married next year, but right now I'm so confused. Super stressed.
The problem is her money habits. It's not just like eating out and saying don’t keep the receipt—it's worse. She constantly buys stuff online. If she sees something she orders it, sees a promo she pays. Like last week she ordered a small canvas bag at 2:30 a.m. even though payday was the first of the month, and sometimes she pays with credit cards linked to various apps and it's like, silent. When the salary comes in the first 3–4 days the budget I set for rent, utilities, and emergency savings is fine, but after about six months there've been leaks.
I'm the planner with money. She says she trusts me, but when the salary hits it disappears into credit cards or apps. She says she'll clear it later but it's never clear. I've tried talking straight about it, but it doesn't end. She'll say she works hard and wants to be happy, which I get, but her happiness makes me so stressed I can't eat. Some nights I wake up at 3 a.m. counting spending in my head—stuff I never did when I was single. Am I being controlling? Or overthinking?
What's weird is she's serious about future planning—wants to buy a house and save for her parents—but her personal money management is a mess. Honestly feels like two people sometimes, like I'm talking to someone else. I can't explain it well.
I don't want to cancel the wedding. I want a stable married life, but I'm afraid if we live together it'll actually work. I don't want to be naggy or pressuring, but I'm scared if we don't clear this now it'll become a bigger problem later.
What do you guys think I should do? Should I make her sit down and have a serious talk with me, or should we separate accounts? I also feel guilty like I'm the one making things tense T_T