This is my first time posting, so sorry if I mess anything up.

I just need to vent. I just got back from deliveries at 11:15pm. It was drizzling and my hoodie and small bag with my keys got wet. My heart’s wetter than that ;_;

Short version first — I'm 31, I work as a delivery rider in Bangkok. I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and we got married last year. We live in a tiny flat in the suburbs. Nothing fancy, but I went all out for the wedding — I paid for my dress and went a bit into debt because I wanted that day to be perfect.

After marriage the problems didn’t go away, they actually multiplied. A lot. I’m so tired. Sometimes I wonder if I’m overthinking.

He’s tidy and attentive but has habits that mess up our life settings — like with money, tiny things drive me crazy. He keeps cash in a tiny wallet on a red keychain, and when bills come up he usually pushes them to me: water bill, groceries. I get extra pocket money sometimes but not regularly. Some months I’m exhausted and he says “I’ll pay you back” but then it becomes next month, and he always forgets.

I can’t vent about it. I feel like the burden lands on me — I pay first then have to chase for it later. And it’s not just money, it’s emotions too. He says he’ll do stuff and then forgets, like he promised to fix a leaking tap and two months later it’s still broken, “I forgot, busy with work” he says. I get work can be busy but our place is small and these problems pile up. Two months of this and I’m fed up.

About the future, he never wants to seriously talk long-term. I’m always the one to start the conversation. I ask every month like it’s a policy meeting 5555. I’m tired — am I being clingy or controlling?

Sometimes I want him to bring it up: talk about a joint account, clear percentages. But he usually says “whatever” or “we’ll see” in that flat tone and I feel worthless, like we’re not on the same team. I swallow my tears and go quiet.

Once I asked him to front the money to fix our motorcycle because my work depends on it. He said okay but when I asked later he said we had to wait till next month, money’s short. I used my emergency three thousand baht stash and fixed it myself. I’m kind of proud I handled it but I also wondered if he would’ve done the same for me.

Some nights I call him exhausted — once I was still returning a customer’s bike after 10pm and he texted just “rest, we’ll talk tomorrow.” Then tomorrow he’s silent again. He avoids heavy stuff so much that I’m starting to doubt whether avoidance is just his habit or he really doesn’t want to take responsibility for my feelings.

It’s not only money or forgetfulness but the feeling that our cooperation is unbalanced. I’ve tried talking calmly many times but every talk ends with me crying because it’s hard to explain. He says “I get it” but then forgets again. I get mad at myself for putting up with it — or maybe I’m just terrified of starting over. I’m so scared, like really scared.

I thought about house rules like 50:50 accounts or an emergency fund, but when I suggested it he said it’s bothersome and he wants an easy life. I’m torn — can I live with an easy life that hurts me, or am I too particular?

I love that he’s kind. He cooks sometimes when he’s free. Sometimes he genuinely cares, but I want consistency more. I’ve tried but haven’t seen real change. Some nights I wonder if marrying was a mistake. My chest hurts.

Has anyone else been through this? What should I do? Should I set boundaries in writing? Tell him clearly that if things don’t change we’ll split accounts or give a time to improve? Or am I just worrying too much?

I’m really exhausted but I don’t want to judge him too quickly. I want advice from people who’ve dealt with similar stuff — how to make him take responsibility more without destroying our love. Any effective ways to talk to him?

Thanks for reading T_T