Friends, give me some perspective. Should I still go through with marrying her?

It's a long story but I'll try to make it clear in case anyone's been through this. I'm 26, run a small online shop around Pattaya/Chonburi. Been with my girlfriend for almost three years. At first everything was great. I'm not very romantic but we balanced each other out with little things. When we seriously talked about marriage about nine months ago, the plan was a small wedding at her parents' house in the suburbs because it's cheap and not many relatives.

Problems started during the wedding prep. She's very detail-oriented, likes to organize and plan, but she saves money differently than I do. She opened a separate account and said she'd cover the dress, the ring, and decorations. I was saving to cover the reception and ceremony costs from my online sales — some months are good, some months bad, but manageable.

About two months before the wedding she wanted to change the theme, add surprises for relatives, invite more people. We were shocked because we hadn't budgeted for that, but she said don't worry, she'll handle it, she has some savings, and said "don't stress about money, I'll take care of it." I trusted her.

But one evening around six she borrowed my phone to reply to a message and forgot to lock the app. I accidentally saw a status and chat — there were messages about borrowing a sizable sum from an old friend and plans to travel and then come back to continue wedding prep. I was floored.

I don't like snooping, but it stuck in my head so I asked straight up what she used the money for. She said she bought some stuff and borrowed from a friend temporarily, will pay it back soon. I believed her since I know that friend a bit. But over time she started hiding things more — about accounts, talking to her parents about money, saying "it's not a big deal." When I asked details she got annoyed and said I'm overthinking.

After a few days she'd be sweet again and we'd have good moments, so I softened, thinking it's wedding stress. But even after the wedding the money issues continued. She started spending personal money on things I didn't expect, like expensive jewelry, saying she deserved a gift for enduring the wedding prep. I'm not controlling, but it felt like her financial decisions contradicted what we agreed before marrying. When we talk about combining accounts or planning the future she avoids it, says she wants separate accounts for now because she's not ready.

There are times I feel like I'm the one holding things together. For example, I wanted to buy storage boxes and a sticker gun to make my online shop run smoother and asked her to chip in. She said she had expenses and wanted to save. But when I hit a rough patch she borrowed money from relatives or friends to travel with her friends and bought things she said were necessary. I was confused and hurt — not super angry, just felt it's unfair.

We once talked calmly with a small notebook and a pen to list income and expenses, what's due this month, how we'll save. She reached over and underlined in the book: "I don't want money to determine our happiness," and said don't let money cause fights. I felt pushed into the wrong position even though I'm trying to understand and be a team player. It seems she still wants financial independence when it comes to spending.

Am I overthinking or being controlling? Or is it normal for two people to adjust? I'm scared that if we marry, these money habits will worsen. We don't have kids yet, but if we do responsibilities will grow — how will my patience hold up? I want this to be a learning moment, not let anger drive my decision.

Sometimes I think of letting it go, but I'm scared of being left to carry the whole burden alone. If anyone's been through this please talk to me: how do you set financial rules without making one person feel their independence is being taken? Or how do you talk about the issue so you get to the real problem without ending up in the same fight again?

Should I ask for another year to quietly observe behavior before making a big decision? I'm so scared of choosing wrong. But I also don't want to be a coward. We still love each other, but this is seriously stressful haha.

If anyone has experience or techniques for talking about money without making the other person feel attacked, tell me T_T I'll update later (borrowing a friend's login to post, lol).