Last night at 2:30 AM we fought again. I cried until my face swelled.
I'm so confused — we're planning a wedding but instead of feeling relieved it's gotten heavier because of money and his habits. Talking about it makes me so tired T_T

He's very straightforward, but he loves impulsive spending. Like, at night he'd see a second‑hand motorcycle part and transfer the money right away, saying it's a good find, even though we'd agreed to wait and plan together. I'm 22, run a small online shop in Phuket, income's unstable but I've been saving for the wedding and our new life. I've been saving for about 11 months to pay for the dress and a small reception. But when we talk about the wedding budget he says his parents will cover some, and never mentions splitting costs for my side or any plan for after the wedding. It makes me feel like I'm not talking to someone who wants to seriously start a life together.

I'm not stingy, but if we're getting married we have to plan together. I want that day not to be one person's burden. Every time I try to talk, he gives half‑assed answers or changes the subject. Sometimes he says we'll discuss it later, but later never comes. In the end I'm the one calling, following up, checking the balance, and even memorizing codes because he made me keep the red key — I'm so exhausted, seriously.

Last night I secretly saw lots of small transfers to friends or purchases of unnecessary things. I stayed quiet at first because I didn't want to be abrupt, but it stuck in my head. When I asked him about it he scolded me, said I was putting his life in a box and that he wants more freedom. I said freedom in a relationship needs boundaries — if we're a team we have to communicate — but he sees it as small stuff. I got so angry my voice went high and told him that if he can't manage money I don't know if I want to start a life together.

It's not just about money; lots of his behaviors have changed. When we first dated he was attentive, but now he's too relaxed, like he doesn't want responsibility. Stuff like housing after marriage, planning for kids — he just laughs and says we'll think about it later, gives no sense of security. I'm starting to wonder if he's with me because he really loves me or just because he's comfortable.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm overthinking. Friends keep telling me I look stressed and I shouldn't ignore money issues. They say I'm the one pressuring him, which makes it harder to accept. I want to see action, not just words. I want him to help plan seriously — like have a wedding fund account, save together, or at least take responsibility for agreed parts of the costs — but he doesn't follow through and it confuses me so much.

Has anyone dealt with this? Or did anyone get married and get past a partner's spending habits? Please share ways to talk, how to set boundaries, or signs that I should back away or keep going. What should I do? I really want many perspectives, and honestly tell me if I'm being impatient lol