I'm so confused. Should I just ask my partner straight up whether their changed attitude about money and habits is a big enough deal to break up over — I still can't believe this is happening.

I'm 42, I work at a shop in the Hua Hin area, been here almost ten years. I open the shop around five in the morning. People see the same face every day, my life is quiet, nothing flashy. My partner is 36. We've been together 4 years, serious, slowly interweaving our lives. Two months ago we had a small wedding with close relatives around the village — just invited people from the neighborhood and relatives who could park, because I wanted to save money to build a small house with enough parking for a motorbike and a small car. That was enough for me.

Before we married he was sweet, cheerful, liked to invite me out for iced milk tea at two in the afternoon, sometimes we'd stop for a quick meal at the little shop by the alley before heading back to the store. He had some quirky little habits, like saving one-baht coins in a blue piggy bank on the bookshelf — kind of frugal. We thought that was fine, like we could save for the future together.

But after the wedding... life changed a lot. It started with small expenses he didn't warn me about, like booking a spontaneous holiday trip at one in the morning, and buying things online saying they're essentials, even though we just agreed to save for the garage roof for six months. I'm the responsible one, working dawn till dusk, taking orders, doing the stock, tired as hell, but trying to save quietly.

Then there was this loan he took — he borrowed a sum from a coworker without telling me, saying he'd pay it back. I don't like chasing people down, but we agreed we'd manage money together and talk first. He didn't tell me at all; I only found out later when that coworker messaged in a group asking when he'd be paid back. That's when I started feeling unsure.

Also he's started caring more about his image in front of friends, which is weird — he never used to. After we married he started buying clothes for friend events because they said he needed to “look appropriate for his status.” It makes me feel like the person before the wedding and after the wedding are different people. I lie awake nights thinking about it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being petty or overthinking, or if this is just the post-wedding adjustment period, but the signs are a lot and it's making me hesitate.

I've tried talking several times, politely, not blaming, asking straight what his plan is for our money because we need shared goals. He dodges and says “I can handle it, don't worry,” like brushing me off. I believed him for a while, but after the borrowing and the expensive orders he placed on his own, it still bothers me.

I don't want money to become a long-term problem, but I also don't want to be some nagging husband checking the accounts every month. It's uncomfortable. I want a partner who talks straight, not someone who leaves gaps when we talk. I want real stability, not just empty promises.

Sometimes I think maybe I'm being harsh and should give him a chance to adjust, but I can't explain why I feel like the cooperation on important stuff has been taken away. Maybe it's because I used to help pay for extra lessons for someone in his family and never got repaid, or I covered money to help his mom fix the house before we married, and after the wedding he didn't really chip in much to monthly expenses. Little by little I'm more worn out.

One day we had a fight on the phone about costs for a family party. He said everyone helps themselves, and I said if he wanted help he should tell me so we could plan, but he got angry and cut the conversation off. We were silent for three days. I feel guilty that maybe I spoke harshly, but I don't know what to do. This isn't just a small issue — it's deeper.

I suggested opening a joint account for goals like buying or fixing the house, putting a portion of our salaries in. He hesitated, afraid of being controlled. I get it, but we are married now, right? Don't we need a shared plan? I'm so lost. Should I bring it up again properly or stay quiet and wait to see if his behavior returns to normal? Or set firm boundaries before going further? hahaha

I'm posting this secretly from work (don't worry my manager won't see, just kidding). Anyone else been through this — married and suddenly your partner's spending habits change, or is it just a post-wedding crisis that will pass? Please give me advice — how do I talk so it actually works instead of going silent every time, or should I be the one to change more, or am I just overthinking? I want serious, practical perspectives T_T