Just need to get some stuff off my chest.
I'm 34, work at a small shop in Phuket, afternoons to nights — like 2pm to about 10-11pm. Get home almost midnight most days. We've been together 5 years, married 2, and today I just... exploded.
The money thing keeps happening over and over. I pay most of the household bills — utilities, rent — because he works odd jobs sometimes and sometimes not. He says he'll transfer but always keeps postponing. And he likes buying little things all the time, like fabric dolls from market stalls, tiny blue glass jars he says he has to keep, and then one thing after another. It's like the money's his personal stash. He goes quiet when I ask about money plans or when I want him to save up for the air-con repair at home, which needs about three months to budget for.
He says “I’ll take care of it” but there’s no sign he’s actually started saving seriously. I even prepared a bill notebook and stuck a red sticker on the corner of the water bill envelope. I don’t want our life to be up and down like this. I want stability. I don’t want to feel like we live in the same house but on different teams.
At a friend’s wedding last week he wanted us to do a big wedding reception. I said what we can afford, but he looked puzzled and said he wanted it to look nice to show off to parents and friends. I get wanting it to look nice, but if it’s beyond our means where’s that money coming from? I asked if we’d share the cost, he said don’t worry, and then… silence.
Some nights I overthink it until I get dark circles and headaches and don’t know what to do. Sometimes I wonder if I’m worrying too much or just nagging. I told him and nothing changed; he talks like he doesn’t see the problem. But my heart is so tired.
I want to ask people who went through this — what did you do? Has anyone tried setting a joint budget and actually made it work? Please share. I feel sad but I don’t want to cry in front of him haha. Or do I need to speak more strongly for him to understand T_T
Sorry if this is messy. What should I do?