Borrowed a friend's login to post this.

Long story so I'll try to paint the picture. I'm 38, office job in Rayong. Can't sleep well between 1:30am and morning because I keep thinking about this. Before I knew it, we've been married 2 years.

Short version first: the money issues and some of his habits only got obvious after we married. He's really quiet about it. I'm baffled.

Before we got married he seemed sweet and kind — little helpful things like handing me the red keys when I was rushing out. But after living together I found out he buys a ton of little knickknacks, and borrows money from friends regularly without telling me. Some stuff is more for show than use — like tiny lamps sitting on the bookshelf that almost never get switched on. Then when he runs out of cash he'll say "wait, a friend will transfer it back," but weeks can pass and nothing. If I ask he'll say "soon, okay, okay" but nothing ever gets properly sorted.

I save for the mortgage and various loans, but money disappears fast without me realizing why. I have a steady salary but I'm often the one clearing small debts that are actually his. Once I had to use a credit card to pay for a washing machine on a 12-month installment plan because the old one died and he refused to contribute his own money — even though he'd said before that he would help. That was so frustrating.

Also, wedding planning before we married was stressful. His side kept changing plans and costs kept going up. I went along because I thought it's just one day, but after the wedding when I checked the accounts I saw items I'd never seen before. It made me feel like I didn't really get to make decisions, like things were decided for me a lot, and I constantly have to go through bills and messages about money people lent him. It's a lot. Really confusing.

I've tried talking calmly, but it usually ends with soft words. He'll admit things in the moment but nothing changes afterward, so I'm left wondering if I'm overthinking, or if I'm trying to control everything because I'm scared of the future. The truth is I'm exhausted from checking account balances every night around 8pm before bed.

Some nights I keep thinking whether to leave or have a serious money talk, but I'm afraid being too direct will cause a fight and make the relationship fragile. I don't want money to ruin us, but I can't keep putting up with this either.

Anyone here experienced this? How should I start a conversation about money with someone like this? Should we set shared rules, or give him time to adjust? What should I do? I'm so confused. T_T

P.S. If anyone has tips for talking so he won't get angry but will actually take it seriously, please tell me. lol