I live in Rayong. It's 1 a.m., can't sleep so figured I'd dump this here, maybe get it off my chest.

So we've been married 12 years, dated 4 years before that. I'm 42, freelance content writer and do small online jobs. Not a lot of income but enough to cover living and utilities for our small house in a village in Phan Thong district. My husband is a construction foreman, takes contracts around the province. He's kind, but there's stuff I've been holding in for a long time.

Short version: he can't save at all.

Some months when work's good he buys tools, buys cigarettes, beer, food without thinking. I'm not stingy, but whenever I bring up saving for the future or for house repairs he dodges the topic, laughs and says it'll be fine. One night around 8:30 we had a serious talk for about an hour and 20 minutes; I tried saying we could save a thousand or two a month for emergencies, and he got mad back at me like “come on, I'm tired from work” and shut down.

My problem is I don't feel secure about the future anymore — what if someone gets sick or construction work dries up? We still have car payments and he once borrowed 30,000 baht from his mom to pay off a backlog and hasn't fully paid it back. I'm super stressed and confused, but when I tell him it turns into an argument, and sometimes I end up feeling like maybe I'm the controlling one or overreacting.

Also some of his habits bug me. He hoards old stuff all over the house — spare-part boxes, old piles of bills, dried water bottles next to a pen case, ten-baht coins in a jar. He resists when I ask to throw things away, says they might be useful. He helps clean sometimes but not on schedule; I end up doing most of the housework. I don't want to tell him to stop because I'm afraid he'll be hurt, but I'm exhausted by it.

We've talked many times — repeatedly, seriously — and it always ends up loud or silent and then back to the same. I tried suggesting a joint emergency account, he said he doesn't want to be tied down and prefers personal spending money. I feel like I've been fighting this alone for ages. Maybe I'm too sensitive? Or am I the one holding onto insecurity? I'm not sure.

I also buy small handbags sometimes, and feel guilty about it sometimes, but honestly I buy them because I want them. I worry whether this is a real crisis in our marriage or just a small crack that love can fix.

Sorry if this is messy, I'm the OP and I'm frazzled T_T

Anyone married a long time have tips for talking about money with someone who hates planning without making them feel attacked? Or ways to nudge them into saving slowly? What should I do — I want our home to be more secure but I'm scared of wrecking the relationship.

P.S. Has anyone successfully done a joint account that actually helped calm things down?