This morning around 7:20 I was looking for my sunglasses and found an old receipt hidden in the car drawer—my husband left it there.
I mean...I laughed, but I was mad too haha

I'm 42, live in Khon Kaen, sell stuff online small-time and have been packing and shipping myself for about 3–4 years. Some nights I get home past ten and I'm still packing (seriously exhausted). But I'm proud. I keep a red pen in the box to tick off orders. This isn't really about the shop directly, but it keeps spinning in my head until it hurts.

We've been married almost nine years and we see money totally differently. The main problem is probably his spending habits. He's a good guy, kind, likes helping people, lends to friends, buys stuff for his mom. He also hides cash in weird places—pillowcases, a toolbox, an old coffee can. I always can't find it. This has been going on for about five years.

Today's discovery: the receipt was for some small construction tools he bought for a neighbor he helped over the weekend. I get helping people, but that money was supposed to be for the small ceremonial party next year to feed his relatives and friends—the money I’ve been saving in envelopes and in our account for months. How can he just use it like that? We have a budget and a plan. I'm so confused.

He prefers cash over card or transfer, says paying cash feels 'finished' instantly. And I'm like, okay, but if it's finished without telling me, it's finished in a confusing way. I told him to tell me first so I can transfer and we can save together, but he always says, "I'll pay you back later" or "don't worry" and then goes quiet for a week, a month. Then I'm the one who has to count what's left. I'm tired.

Once I was so fed up I took the emergency money I’d hidden and paid for an AC repair (took me half an hour to go to the bank and transfer) and told him I covered it. He acted like it was nothing. Then the next day I found out he bought a whole set of clothes for a friend who helped at the hometown event. I'm like, what the heck? I want to support him, I get helping, but if there's no conversation at all it feels like I'm doing everything alone. I don't want to be the housewife who micromanages every baht, but I want him to take some responsibility, right?

We talked calmly before—I said I wanted a joint family fund that both of us contribute to. He smiled and said, "Okay, I'll help." Two weeks passed and nothing was added. So I opened a separate account myself and said I'd transfer a set amount on the 5th of each month. He agreed, but when an emergency came up he took money from that account without telling me. How am I supposed to trust that separate account?

Maybe I'm overthinking or expecting too much, I shouldn't force him into my framework. But we have the shop to manage, inventory to control, and I have to think about our child's future. This stuff makes my skin crawl. Lately I'm so tired I can't sleep, waking at 3 a.m. thinking about it T_T

He's actually great—he takes care of me when I'm sick. When I had a bad cold he covered for me with customers for two full days. He's very kind. But these little things make me feel insecure. I just want clarity, that's all. Am I being petty?

Friends who are married or living with partners, what did you do when this happened? What rules actually work so no one feels accused, or should I just let it all be my job to avoid fighting? Should I be direct, or adjust slowly and hope he changes? Or do I have to change myself first? I'm so confused.

Thanks for reading this far, I wrote a lot because I needed to get it off my chest. If anyone has tips for saving together without feeling awkward, please share haha