This afternoon, around 3-something, I was putting things away in the wardrobe and found a small blue box hidden under a coat. My heart dropped into my shoes. I was so shocked.

I really didn't mean to pry, but curiosity took over and my hand just went to open it without thinking. I only glanced and saw a little bankbook and a bunch of deposit slips. My hands were shaking so much I could barely put the slips down. From what I could see, it looked like he'd saved hundreds of thousands. It felt like a stranger had been living in our house. Totally speechless. It's not like we don't have money problems — we've been together almost ten years, married 10 years, we have a kid, a house, credit card payments, living pretty frugally for years. I work an office job in Chiang Mai, my salary covers the family, but this stash was waaay more than what we've managed to save together. Boom.

I didn't count everything because my hands were shaking, but after seeing the rough total I went to ask him that evening. I waited outside the kitchen for about ten minutes before calling him. He was just... quiet. Like silent-quiet. He then launched into a long explanation that it's money he's been keeping for our kid's future, for emergencies, for who-knows-what else. He said he didn't want me to know because he was afraid I'd stress out. It sounded like an excuse? He talked for ages trying to convince me, but the more he explained the more confused I got — we've been married so long, how can he not tell me? Does he think keeping it secret is somehow safer?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm overthinking. I get hot-headed easily, but I tried to stay calm and talk reasonably. His answers kept coming back like, “I didn't want you to worry” or “I wanted a backup account outside the main one,” stuff like that. Does that seem weird? And what if one day he wants to buy groceries or personal stuff without asking me — is that sneaky? Am I imagining things? I feel guilty for snooping, but I'm really suspicious T_T

Thinking back on small things lately, I get suspicious: he’s been withdrawing cash late at night a lot these past months — I thought he was just going to the bank, but he said he was doing overtime. Sometimes he comes home empty-handed but says he bought stuff at a shop by the factory. Several times I've heard him whispering on the phone at midnight, which he never used to do — so I wonder if those things are connected.

Then there's the wedding we still haven't properly had — the irony. We talked about a small ceremony first and saving up, but my husband said he'd plan a big party for our anniversary next year and that he’s been saving in that account as a surprise for me. He said he wanted to make me happy, but if it's a surprise why hide the money from me? Why not make it part of our family plan? It makes me feel like I'm being cut out of an important decision instead of being given a gift.

One part of me wants to believe it's a good thing — if he's devoted to the family or wants to surprise me, I'd be happy. But it needs to be more transparent, not hidden in a drawer. And then when I'm caught he says he didn't want me to worry — well, I'm worried now, lol.

Right now I don't know what to do. I've started making a small rule in my head that I want joint accounts, yearly plans, and to talk before making big decisions. Saying that is easier than doing it. I'm scared that if I push too hard he'll pull away, but if I say nothing I'll be uneasy and suspicious forever.

I'm 42, mom of one elementary-school kid, working full-time in Chiang Mai. My husband is 45. Has anyone experienced this? If it were you, what would you do? Should I set clear rules now or adjust slowly? If I push too hard will I hurt his feelings? Please give honest advice — I really want opinions.