Sorry, first time posting so I'm a bit lost, don't write well. Hi everyone, I'm 34, work as a barista in Nakhon Ratchasima. Been with my girlfriend nearly three years, we're booking the wedding for next year, but lately I've been overthinking a lot, like really overthinking.

Long story short, her money habits and spending shock me. We're saving bit by bit — saving for cafe costs, for an espresso machine and mugs, and some steel spoons in case we open a small shop. But she likes to spend without thinking. She orders online around 1:30–2am sometimes, just opening the app and buying. And she goes on buying sprees for home stuff, like changing lamps, small sofas, stuff I haven't even talked to her about. She just buys it, then shows me later and says, “I like it.” I'm like, huh?

She also borrowed her mom's credit card to use, said she'd pay back, handle it, but it's been three months and no refund, totally quiet. I was really worried then, checking account balances every evening for almost an hour, sometimes I break down laughing through tears ㅋㅋㅋ but actually I'm annoyed, grrrr.

I'm afraid if I say it straight she might feel trapped or like I'm banning her, but if I don't say anything it'll turn into a big problem after marriage. I already planned the wedding budget, but I have to keep checking her spending all the time, it's a pain. Do young people really spend like this nowadays?

I want to ask anyone who's been through this: how do you talk about it without it turning into accusations, but still set money rules together? I want her to understand emergency savings are important — it's not stinginess, it's responsibility — but she doesn't get it. Should I be direct, or slowly shift to shared budget and personal budget? How many times a month should we talk about money? Should I tell her to pay back the loan before the wedding? I'm really stressed about this.

P.S. I'm secretly posting this while hiding from my boss for a bit, will get back to work soon. Gotta go back soon during the lunch break T_T