Just got married six months ago.
It's so quiet.
I really want to vent so much but don't know where to start — sorry if this is messy.

Short version first: I'm 22, work as a barista at a tiny shop in Khon Kaen. I work morning-afternoon shifts, finish around 6:30pm, some nights I don't get home until almost 8. I have a small plushie on the bookshelf that I use to vent to. When I'm tired I make myself a coffee and sip it for like 10 minutes before bed.
I've been with my husband about a year before we got married. He seemed sincere. I'm not rich, so I handled most of the wedding planning and paid what I thought was reasonable, but the problem started from tiny things that piled up and became a big issue for me.

Before marriage he seemed more serious about money than I expected, but I thought it's okay — he loves me, he's frugal, has plans for the future, seems right for someone who wants stability. I liked that. But after we got married... his extreme penny-pinching makes me so uncomfortable, seriously.
For example, when I want to eat out, he calculates every detail: travel costs, gas, promo discounts, then says "better save for the future." My salary isn't fancy, but I want to go to the movies with friends sometimes, want to buy small things for myself. When I ask to buy something he asks if it's in the budget. It's like I have to ask permission all the time, like a child. Isn't that not okay?

Another thing is he won't spend on things he thinks are "useless," but some things are important for my mental health — like that streetfood stall at the corner I've wanted for ages, or an inexpensive online coffee course to improve my skills. He calls those luxuries and says save for a house. How can he decide my small happiness for me? It makes me more and more suppressed.

At first I thought it's just adjustment so I tried to talk gently, said I want some personal money for hobbies, a small cash card to use. He went quiet, serious face, and said "If you want it, go earn it yourself." That hurt. It feels like he doesn't understand the word 'sharing life' — or am I just overthinking?

There's something that made me feel like he's hiding things. Before marriage he said he had no debts, but I accidentally found another bank account on his phone (I didn't snoop, honestly). That account has another chunk of savings he never told me about. He said it's for emergencies, and I get that, but if it's an emergency fund shouldn't you tell your family or partner? It makes me feel like he's excluding me from decisions, even though money matters for a house and kids later. I feel shut out.

I'm not the type who ran the household before, but I want some financial private space. I think we should split money into shared and personal pots and talk about it. Every time I bring it up he reacts possessive or a bit dramatic, saying "I don't want others messing with it." I feel the trust starting to wobble.

Some nights I lie awake until my eyes blur, my head spins. I wake up at 3:00am and sit thinking for hours. I feel guilty for worrying so much — I'm still young, shouldn't I be enjoying life? But I'm scared that if we don't control money there won't be a stable future. I'm so tired T_T I'm torn: want to save for the future but also want to spend for happiness now. How do you balance it?

I've tried finding answers, reading others' posts. Some say be fully transparent, others say have personal money. I'm confused. I'm afraid if I push hard we'll fight and get hurt, or if I let it go I'll be suffocated until I explode.

There's another small thing: he likes keeping old stuff I feel is unnecessary. When I tease him he gets confused and says, "This is our home, isn't it yours too?" and I get stunned. I can't even joke about small things, always have to be careful. It's exhausting. I'm so tired lol.

Or am I just overthinking? What do you all think — how should I bring it up without accusing him, and how do I make him understand that having personal money doesn't equal distrust but preserves small happiness for each of us? Please share ways to talk or money frameworks that work.

Thanks for reading this far — I feel a bit better after venting. I'll update later. If this post is all over the place I'm really sorry, wrote it after a tiring shift.