It's 10:12pm, he's already asleep. I'm sitting here looking at the bank passbook I updated at lunchtime while teaching a grade 5 class — and there are withdrawals missing again. I'm just... quiet.

This isn't the usual kind of fight. For me it's more like waking up a bit at a time, and it hurts slowly.

Short story: I'm 32, a full-time teacher in Khon Kaen. We dated 4 years, married almost two. He doesn't have a business or anything, he's the type who collects little things. When he's stressed he buys small stuff to feel better. I understood that at first. But it got a problem when he started taking money from our joint account without telling me. When I ask he says stuff like, “I keep it so you don't spend it wastefully.” Uh, that's... really weird for me, because we agreed we'd be transparent. Yet there are little slips missing, I find them in a drawer when I'm looking for clothesline — sat there counting slips for almost half an hour, couldn't believe my eyes.

Some of the things are tiny car model figures under 5 cm tall and these minuscule motorcycle tuning tools in a little wooden box on top of the fridge. I'm not against small joys, but taking shared money without talking to me first is the issue.

Other stuff too — he hates talking about money he borrowed from older relatives. He just says, “I can handle it.” But neighbors have hinted he's made some installment arrangements in his name. I'm the one who plans the household expenses, so I feel cut out of some decisions even though I share responsibility. It's a weird feeling, right? But I also worry I'm nagging.

Some nights I just crash from exhaustion and then lie awake thinking until almost 1am most nights. Am I overthinking? Hmm. I stashed a small bundle of slips in the drawer under the dining table quietly. I feel guilty for doing that, but I'm afraid if I ask directly it'll turn into a silent war. Emotionally I'm so numb.

I want a serious talk, but he avoids heavy topics. He usually answers in short sentences and changes the subject, laughs it off. So I hesitate about when to bring it up. I'm scared I'll cry at the dinner table (I'm such a softie). His mom interferes in money matters a lot, telling us to calm down, but sometimes the more she talks the more awkward it becomes. Does he not feel anything?

I'm so confused T_T or am I just being too sensitive? I don't even know who to blame. Feels like we're being judged by slightly different standards. I don't want money to destroy trust but it's already a small crack I see every day.

First time posting a thread for real. Anyone here dealt with this? Tell me how I should start the conversation so he doesn't feel attacked, and how we can keep trust between us. Please tell him for me.