Sorry, this is my first thread so it's messy. Don't know if it'll be long haha

I'm 38, work at a hotel in Phuket. Me and my wife dated almost three years and got married about six months ago. Everything seemed fine before the wedding, but living together turned up a bunch of stuff I never thought would be problems.

Short version: our money habits and spending are wildly different. For real. Sometimes I find packages arriving at 3:12 AM when we already have the same kind of stuff in the clothes basket, and she'll just say "just a little thing" — but add that up over months and it's thousands. I'm the saver, I plan monthly, I have an emergency fund of about three months' expenses. She spends whenever she wants and loves ordering online at midnight without thinking. It's messing with our system.

Another thing is reliability for important stuff. She likes to reschedule meetings or payments without warning. Like we set up to meet relatives on the 12th and she says "tomorrow is fine" even though I already booked the slot. I have to call and sort it out, spend like 20 minutes clearing things up, and still end up paying the joint hotel bill. She says she'll transfer, but after agreeing she never does. It makes me really uncomfortable.

I try not to be picky, but it piles up. I've talked to her several times but it's like talking at different times or she doesn't think it's a problem. Maybe she thinks I'm nitpicky, but I'm honestly tired.

Sometimes I laugh to myself and wonder if I would've married her if I'd seen this side earlier when we were dating. But I love her, so I'm confused. Having to check the payment app, check order histories, go through her online carts every night at 8–9 PM isn't the married life I pictured.

What should I do? Should I set rules about spending or give her time to adjust? Like 2–3 months — is that enough, or am I overthinking? Maybe she'll change.

What do you guys think? I'll update later T_T