Just got back from a night shift.
I'm so confused right now, don't know what to think. I'm 38, work in a factory in Rayong, evening-night shifts, sometimes days off. To be honest my daily life is super ordinary, but the thing stuck in my chest is not ordinary at all.

We've been married almost four years. The guy I married is a good person, kind, caring, helps around the house sometimes. But he has some habits that make me start imagining worst-case stuff and sometimes I feel so worn out, like I'm the one carrying all the uncertainty. He's really quiet too. When we need to talk about money or decisions he usually says "we'll see later," and then ends up doing things his way without telling me. I just... go silent.

For example, family savings. I'm the one handling daily expenses—food, water, electricity some months stand out—but most of the savings he keeps in a separate account and never says how much he puts away each time. Often I struggle at the end of the month because of unexpected bills. I ask straight up if we have savings to help pay, and he usually says "a little, I'll handle it" and then goes quiet again. This happens so often I begin to wonder if he has his own financial plan. When I ask it's like he doesn't want me to bother him, but if we're going to plan for the family I feel I should know something, right? Or am I overthinking? Or am I invading his private space too much? I'm so mixed up.

Another thing is planning the wedding. When we dated we agreed to register quietly to save money, but my mom wanted a small gathering with relatives. We agreed on a budget, but when it came time to prepare he always said there's something urgent to pay off first. Weeks go by and silence. He never offered solutions, never said "how about this" or "we split it like this." Feels like I'm the one always pushing, even though I work night shifts and come home exhausted and still have to call the vendors, call the fruit shop my mom likes, call friends to arrange relatives. I'm so tired, like really.

I remember one time clearly—he said he'd use part of the money for the house, but when I looked at the household account there was no money. I asked casually, "Did you use it already?" He said, "Not yet." But when I asked more specifically he got a little annoyed and said I don't need details all the time. I felt like I was being accused of asking too much, but if I let it go it becomes a problem when an emergency expense pops up. I... don't know what to do.

I thought a direct talk would fix it, but every time I try to bring it up he answers shortly and changes the subject. So I started keeping quiet records of expenses to see the whole picture, but I feel kind of guilty, like I'm snooping, which isn't good, right? But if I don't do it I won't know how tight the next month will be.

Some days I wonder why money becomes something to hide, something that creates tiny cracks between two people in a house. I don't want our home to be a place where we store up resentment. Sometimes I scold myself—am I narrow-minded for wanting to know, to be involved, to plan together? But I'm also afraid if I push too hard he'll shut down more. So I don't dare have a big fight. I want things to be solved with reason, not raised voices, but I can't always do that.

Honestly I don't want to make the rest of the family worry, but I also don't want to keep this all to myself. I feel lonely and confused. Am I overthinking that him keeping money but not communicating means he's serious about our future, or is he just someone who likes his private space and I shouldn't force him? If I leave it like this will I get more hurt later?

This is long but I needed to vent. I'm not good at marriage stuff, exhausted 5555. Want to ask friends: how should I talk to him so he knows I'm not trying to catch him out, just need clarity about our shared future? Or should we try other ways, like clear separate accounts, envelopes, something we both agree on? If I suggest that, how should I start?

What do you all think I should do?
P.S. First time posting—sorry if anything's wrong.